What we resist, persists

Annoyed. Frustrated. Stuck.

It’s 9:24 p.m. on Monday and I’m trying to figure out what the hell to write about for tomorrow.

I have three half-written posts about three topics that other people encouraged me to write about: passion and suffering, taking bold leaps, and how people are mirrors for self-understanding. None of these topics are clicking or flowing and I feel stuck.

Today, I had all the normal environmental and situational cues that typically encourage inspiration. I started the day with a kick-ass work-out, followed by cooking myself a healthy and delicious lunch. I sipped tea and talked life with a friend at a local cafe, helped a few clients navigate challenges via email, planned some adventures for the week, and spent a few hours diving into my new favorite book on behavior change, Switch. Now, I’m sitting in front of my fireplace drinking yet another cup of herbal tea waiting for inspiration to strike.

It’s not striking. It hasn’t all day. And I’m annoyed.

I text my friend Nathaniel: “I can’t figure out what to write about for tomorrow. Stuck. Theme ideas?”

He replies: “Write about that. Being stuck. How it feels and how you deal with it. Flow on that!”

Genius. Suddenly, I’m reminded of what I tell all my friends and clients who feel frustrated with their current situation: what we resist, persists. Meaning, if there’s any situation or cirumstance in our life that we don’t like, this means we are resisting it. We resist it by thinking about how we don’t like it or want it to change instead of simply looking at the situation and seeing it as it is. When we stop wishing that ‘what is’ were different, we gain control over the situation. It’s only when we accept the current circumstances that we begin to see the opportunity. It’s the first step toward change.

After three hours of feeling stuck because inspiration wasn’t striking, Nathaniel’s text reminded me to accept the present moment and use it as fuel to create.

And now I am creating. (Happy dance.)

This applies to so many areas of our lives.

A friend of mine recently found out he was let go from a project due to circumstances beyond his control. At first, he was bummed. Real bummed. Sending texts and emails with multiple sad faces bummed. But then, he accepted reality and his perspective shifted. He realized that being let go wasn’t a problem or failing to overcome. Instead, it was an opportunity for him to reengage his life and reinvest in what deeply motivates and excites him. He’s been thinking about building his own brand and company for a while but never had the impetus to do so. Now he does and is off to bigger and better things.

Another friend of mine recently ended an unsatisfying relationship. She always felt frustrated by how her and her boyfriend communicated and spent time together. For a while, she tried to change him. It was a lot of, “If only he did X then we’d have a good relationship.” One day, she accepted ‘what is’ and her perspective shifted. She realized that she needn’t try to change her man and instead, she should communicate her needs and expectations. This conversation led to them both realizing their interests and desires were misaligned, and the relationship wasn’t going anywhere. Things ended on good terms and now she’s giving herself the opportunity to create something that does work.

What we resist, persists. What we accept, creates possibility.

If you’re feeling annoyed, frustrated or stuck, surrender to the now. The only way to change your perspective is to accept reality. When you become okay with life as it is, in the now and here, that’s when new avenues of thought and new emotional possibilities appear.

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Thanks to Nathaniel for inspiring this post and Teju and Joel for reading drafts. Photo via 365q.