Cut the Bullshit: Radical honesty, living naked, and the lies we tell ourselves
Imagine if we lived radically honest and naked lives.
We told the truth, all the time. We stopped dancing on eggshells. We eliminated secrets. We cut out the filters between our brains and our mouths.
Instead of a passive “no worries,” we tell our friend he pissed us off. We stop saying “let’s get together soon” to distant friends when we don’t mean it. We tell Mom her story about finding the best plumber is boring. We tell our employer about our plans to start a business on the side. We tell our love interest that we’re really only interested in sleeping with him. Or dating her. Or both.
Is cutting the bullshit the path to authentic relationships? Does the short-term tension and discomfort create a deeper relationship in the long-term?
I’d sure as hell like to think so.
But in order to have authentic relationships with others, we first need to have more radically honest relationships with ourselves.
For a while, I told myself little white lies. About what I wanted. The people I wanted to spend time with. The work that made me feel most alive. The types of relationships I deserved.
I discovered I was wasting time on excuses and illusions. It was time to cut the bullshit.
Here are some of the excuses I made and the responses I used to quiet my inner critic…
“I have to do this.”
False. You do not have to do that. You have a choice. Yes, you may have made a commitment and quitting or changing courses might suck. But do you really want to live a life where you feel obligated to do things? Or, do you want to align yourself with people and opportunities that make you want to do things. It’s your choice. How can you take what you have to do and turn it into what you want to do?
“I’ll start tomorrow.”
Will you really? Why can’t you start today? What’s one small thing you can do to begin now? Is what you want to start tomorrow actually important to you? Why is it important? Where are you hoping it will take you? If it’s important, work toward it today. Otherwise, eliminate it.
“I can’t do it because I might fail.”
Yes. Fact. You might fail. And guess what? You will survive. You will learn to use failure as energy and momentum. Your failures will lead you to your successes. The insight, learnings, and relationships that you gain from failing will often be more useful than what you originally set out to do. But only if you start failing. How can you fail today?
“It’s not good enough yet.”
Nothing ever is in the early stages. Often times, in the later stages too. Get it out there and see how the world responds.
“They won’t let me do that.”
Really? Someone else in control of your life? Replace “they” with “I.” Now, why won’t you let you do that? That’s the core of the issue. Begin there.
“I could do Y if I had X.”
Well, you don’t have X. So, either eliminate that option or get creative about how to get X. Also, why do you need X? What will X help you achieve? What other routes will help you get to Y?
“I don’t know how to do it.”
Who does? Go talk to them. Ask them questions. Create value for them. Build a relationship with them. Google it. Read about it. Start doing it. Learn how to really do it.
“They will judge me.”
They might. And if they do, are they the kind of people you want in your life? When you start doing what you love, you’ll attract people who love to do the same kinds of things as you. And why would you fear being judged when you’re doing what you love? Fuck ‘em.
When I stopped lying to myself, I gave myself the chance to be who I am and live the life I want. And honestly, it feels damn good to be naked.
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