A few years ago I heard a story about success and achievement that deeply resonated with me and has stuck with me since.

A speaker (I can’t remember who) was presenting in front of a room of Fortune 100 executives. 

He asked the group: “How many of you achieved success over the last year? You experienced returns on investment and reached quarterly goals.”

Almost the entire room raised their hands. 

He then asked the group: “How many of you feel successful in the work that you do?

Three people raised their hands.

Achieving success is not the same as feeling successful.

We think of achievement as doing and having, strategic plans and to-do lists. 

But why do we do those things? We do those things because we are driven by an innate desire to feel a certain way.

Being > Doing > Having

The key then is to start with how we want to feel, and who we want to be. 

How do you want to feel when you wake up in the morning? Start your day? Walk into your office? Reach that big, scary goal? See the person you love? Close your eyes and fall asleep? 

Clarify how you want to feel, in every moment of every day, and build your life around that way of being. 

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Thanks to Andrew, Farhad and Shannon for inspiring this post and reading the draft.

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Want to inspire lasting change? Don’t tell somehow how you want them to change. Don’t nag them to do things a certain way. Instead, be the example and show them there’s a better way. Set a stage such that they get to experience what’s possible. 

Have a teammate who is always late for meetings? Start without them and don’t restart or catch them up when they arrive. 

Want your partner to work out more? Be consistent with your exercise routine.

Want your children to do work they love? Find what makes you come alive and go do it. 

Want your workaholic friends to get more sleep? Wake up and go to sleep at the same time every day, showing them how consistent sleep impacts productivity.

To inspire change, we must be the best versions of ourselves, setting the example for those around us. We must be our word, do more than we say we will, and do it with love. 

Lasting change starts slow. Sometimes we need to experience pain before deciding to change, which is why it takes some smokers cancer to quit the bad habit. It’s why kids put their hand on a stove and never do it again. It’s why conflict in a relationship can lead to greater depth and intimacy. 

Take a moment to reflect: What is the change you’re making? Who are you influencing? Why will the change positively impact those people? How can you get them to experience the possibility of that change? 

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Thanks to my morning run for inspiring this post and Farhad for reading the draft. 

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When we live as our best selves, we’re poised to do our best work, build the most fulfilling relationships, and ultimately create a better world. When at our best, we live in integrity with our values and beliefs, inspiring those around us to do the same. 

A past client of mine was a CEO at a $100M company. He came to me one day and said that if he kept doing what he was doing, he’d have a heart attack in the next five years. Though he appeared happy and successful on the outside, he was dying on the inside. This was a major red flag for me and so we worked on redesigning and reengineering his life, with an emphasis on self-care and restructuring his business commitments. Within a few months, he sold his company, started another, and is now off living a more aligned life. 

Another past client of mine, a stock trader in Hong Kong, came to me feeling anxious in his work and stuck in his career. He aspired to start his own thing but wasn’t sure where to begin. Within three months he went from spreadsheets and cubicles to his camera and passport. He’s been traveling the world since, taking photos of the people and places that inspire him. He recently became a featured Instagram photographer, enabling him to reach and inspire more people with his work.

What I’ve realized in working with clients of all shapes and sizes is that we all get stuck. We all experience ebbs and flows. We all find ourselves in ruts. It’s abnormal not to. Here’s a simple process to help you identify what’s not working and begin making changes today.

Step one: Audit.

Reflect on the different areas of your life. Ask yourself, “Is ___ making me feel like the best version of myself?”

Is your work? Your community? Relationship? Health routine? Eating habits? Morning routine? Spending patterns? Communication style? Etc. 

Make note of which area(s) you want to focus on improving.

Step two: Manifestation.

Nisha Moodley recently shared with me “The Manifestion Equation” which is a tool for actualizing the changes you desire. 

Here’s how it works: Appreciation + Intention + Intuitive Action = The Manifestation Equation

In thinking about one of your areas of growth, apply the equation:

Appreciate. Notice the present state without judgement. Think about the facts without adding drama. (Ie: “I’m ready to lose 10 lbs,” not “I’m overweight and unattractive and need to lose weight.”) 

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Set an intention. Imagine yourself reaching your goal. A memory is a feeling about the past and an intention is a feeling about the future. So think about the ideal future and let yourself marvel at how good it feels. Paint yourself a picture of that happy place. 

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Take Intuitive Action. What is one small step you will take today to begin manifesting what you desire? Ask yourself this question each day for the next week. Act and repeat.

Whether your work is currently unfulfilling, your exercise routine is out of whack, or your relationship isn’t where it used to be, small steps taken today will create large changes in the coming weeks. You got this.

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Thanks to Farhad, Nisha, and Zach for inspiring this post. 

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