My fiancé Farhad says that entrepreneurship is rooted in a fundamental truth that other’s don’t yet see. 

He says that if you believe in something — and I mean 100% fully believe in it — then there’s nothing that will get in the way of you realizing it. You will go to battle for it, sacrifice yourself for it, and break through every obstacle and fear on the path toward realizing it. 

What he calls “the battle,” I like to think of as dancing with ambiguity and uncertainty, while looking obstacles square in the eye. 

It’s checking in with myself every morning to get my mind ready for the day. It’s smiling at non-believers who don’t yet see this truth (and may never understand it). It’s building a community of allies who deeply share this belief. It’s taking a deep breath when shit hits the fan and remembering to trust and carry on.

The fundamental truth that I believe in, that I’ve dedicated my life to, is the belief that you don’t have to live the way you’ve been told. If you do what turns you and the world on, you will live an inspired life.

This truth fully realized will lower divorce rates. Increase engagement and fulfillment at work. Decrease unnecessary prescription drug use. Heal the psychological battle of obesity. Reduce materialism. Increase the rate of companies created to make a difference. Decrease the rate of suicide. Disrupt the education system. Enhance how we communicate globally. Create a world filled with love. 

I see this world so clearly and every day is dedicated to closing the gap between where our world is now and the one I describe above. 

What is the fundamental truth you believe in that others don’t yet see?

What does the world look like once that truth is fully realized? 

When you’re losing focus, feeling unmotivated, or having “one of those days” go back to these questions and that truth.

It will get you to the other side of anything. 

—

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Thanks to Farhad for inspiring this post and reading the draft. 

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On Wednesday I got engaged to my best friend and the man who I feel I was put on this earth to love. He proposed at sunset, on the beach in Santa Teresa, Costa Rica. We had just ended a day of magical adventures — from waterfall climbs and cliff dives to synchronistic run-ins with local guides. Butterfly gardens and eating just-caught fish turned into a beach and jungle sunset horseback ride, and him popping the “Will you marry me?” on one knee question.  

I am beaming. I am grateful. I feel like the luckiest woman on earth. My heart is exploding. I wonder, How did this come to be? 

When I reflect back on the whirlwind of connection, love, serendipity, compatibility and unwavering commitment that has emerged since we met, I wonder how and why we happened to be in the same place, time and readiness to fall deeply in love?

A few things are very clear.

Every decision I’ve made, every experience I’ve had, and every lover I’ve shared time with has led me to meeting him. Each gave me the lessons I needed to fall more deeply in love with me, opening me up to the deepest kind of love, and ultimately preparing me to make the most important (and easiest) decision of my life: who to spend the rest of my time with. 

Trusting the process, fully experiencing every situation I created in my life, and growing from what emerged is what brought me to today. It’s what made me ready for wholehearted love. That readiness is a choice. I decided what I was and was not ready for, and the circumstances around me always reflected that choice.

Men who were not interested in commitment reflected my inability to commit to the relationship with myself. Men who treated me poorly reflected my internal battles. It was through committing to me, the rituals that enliven me, and work that awakens others (as well as myself) that I stepped into being ready for the most important gifts in life. 

The readiness for big love. The readiness to develop an enthralling future together. The readiness for fulfilling work and an awe-inspiring team. The readiness to be fully alive, every day. 

Whether we’re conscious of it or not, we form intentions all the time. The clearer and more conscious our intentions, the more likely we bring them into existence. 

A month before I met Farhad, I visualized him.

No joke. I envisioned exactly what he’d be like. Over lunch, a girlfriend shared that she felt I was ready for “big love.” I fully agreed and was eager to dive into this conversation and begin visualizing what he’d be like. 

First, I imagined his heart. He is generous, full of life and energy, and only has eyes for me. His heart is so pure and kind that you can feel it in his presence. He embodies love. 

Next, I imagined how I’d act with him. I saw myself in full self-expression. Feminine. Free. Open. Whole. Loving. Fully me. He is the stable sand and I am the crashing ocean. He is the ignitable match and I am the spreading fire. We are inseparable. Touch is our love language. 

Then, I envisioned our life together. We share the same Why of unlocking human potential. We pursue our individual purposes in parallel, crossing over to collaborate as it makes sense. Most of all, we are pillars of support, love, and encouragement for one another. We challenge limitations, explore the world, and are beacons of love and light together. We work our love and enjoy all that life has to offer. 

Last, I envisioned what he’d look like. This part gives me chills to think about now. “He’s 6’1 and 185 pounds. Dark hair and 31 years old,” I told my friend. And that, he is exactly.  

I met Farhad one month after setting this intention and visualizing him. It very quickly became clear we were put on this earth to love each other. A month in, we decided we’d spend the rest of our lives together. Two months in, we moved in together. Five months in, we decided to live bi-coastal. Six and a half months in, we’re engaged. 

If you want something, visualize it. Fully embrace and experience wherever you are now, taking the gifts that the moment holds for you. Imagine what your future feels like and looks like. Envision how it works and why. Picture it in as much detail as possible. 

Your future is waiting for you and you hold the keys inside. 

—

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Special shout out to Daniel Epstein for introducing us, Zaydelbagel for inspiring us to visit Costa Rica, and Nisha Moodley for recommending Santa Teresa. 

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Late last night, I rode the subway home, exhausted from a full day. The couple sitting next to me was playing a loud game on their computer.  

“Do they not realize how disruptive they are?” I thought to myself. “Why on earth are they playing that game right now?!” I became increasingly frustrated with every new sound. Mid-negative thought storm, I checked in with myself and realized, “Why am I getting upset with them when I’m not doing anything about it?” 

I recognized I had three choices. I could either: 

A. Be annoyed and let the situation cloud over my sunny day,
B. Let go, or
C. Speak up and ask if they mind turning the volume down. 

I chose C and they politely agreed. I was surprised to hear a sigh of relief from the crowd around me once the volume was turned off. I wondered how many others were mid-negative thought storm but not doing anything about it.  

This situation got me thinking: how often do we choose not to speak up and instead cause ourselves frustration? 

How often do we blame other people for our inability to take responsibility for the situation and ask for what we want?

A client of mine recently discovered that family life and pursuing his talents outside corporate world are of significant importance to him. Even though he’s been doing the corporate thing for nearly 14 years, and works for a very conservative company without flexible work policies, he decided to stop blaming the company and instead speak up. He proposed working from home part-time and the company agreed. He’s the first employee to successfully make the transition, and my guess is that he won’t be the last.

About six months ago I worked with a incredibly creative woman who did freelance design and strategy work. She felt especially connected to one of her clients and wanted to work with them full-time, but she didn’t think there was enough money in the game to support herself. Instead, she hustled with other clients on the side to make ends meet and ended up feeling scattered and spread too thin. One day I asked her, “Have you told your favorite client that you’d love to provide more value for them and work only with them?” She hadn’t. Two weeks later she dropped her side hustle and got a 50% salary increase and a signing bonus. Speaking up changed the trajectory of her life. 

The circumstances in front of us are often flexible. Sometimes living our ideal life is simply a matter of speaking up. 

—

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Thanks to the Q train for inspiring this post, wrdbnr for the image, and Farhad for reading the draft.

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Recently, I had this feeling I was going to meet someone who would help me more deeply explore and navigate the world of holistic health. I had a feeling that this person would be a breath of fresh air, carrying with them a refreshing perspective on healthy living. These glimpses of who I’m about to meet don’t show up often, but when they do, this person comes into my life soon after.

And sure enough she did. A few weeks ago I re-met college girlfriend Ciara. Though we were never super close at university, it seems we’ve been on parallel paths, coming into each other’s lives just in time to kindle our kindred spirits. More than a holistic health coach, Ciara has the unique ability to identify and draw out your essence. Every conversation we have evokes a new paradigm shift around nourished and fulfilled living. 

Since the man and I are heading to Costa Rica next Friday for a few weeks, I asked her how she gets bikini-ready. She skipped over the talk about rigid schedules and restriction and went straight for visualizing and emulating desired feelings of being light, free, radiant, and sexy. She believes that weight loss is a mind game (like most things), and I couldn’t agree more.

The major breakthrough for me happened when she talked about primary and secondary foods. Primary foods are all the things that nourish you and give you joy outside of food. Secondary foods are the whole foods and nutritious gifts that give life to our bodies.

The most important step, she shared, is to add in primary foods that nourish the soul. Pick up a good book and fall in love. Go on a long walk with a friend. Turn up the music and get your dance on. Send a love note. Do what enriches you and you’ll crowd out all the bad stuff like emotional eating and unwanted weight. 

“YES!” I thought to myself. “Finally someone who has a deeper understanding  of nourishment and fulfillment.”

With this new perspective shift, I created the below “Nourishment Sandbox” which maps out my primary foods as well as the secondary food “Yays” and “Nays” that make me feel at my best. 

The man and I are following suit as we prepare for our Costa Rica travels, and plan to revisit our “sandbox” on a bi-monthly basis to check in on what is and is not working. 

What’s in your sandbox?

—

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Thanks to Ciara for inspiring this and Farhad for reading the draft.

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Though spring is my favorite time of year (hello flowers! and sunshine! and warm weather!), bikini season has long been my worst enemy. My perfectionist tendencies seem to bubble up ever so strongly and I find myself obsessing about every single thing I consume. Talk about a recipe for disaster! 

But this year that’s changing. I feel something inside of me shifting in a major way. Instead of criticizing my body, I’m appreciating my curves and moving my body more. Rather than worrying about the amount of calories in that third glass of wine, I’m naturally gravitating toward sparking water in a champagne glass. Instead of calorie counting, I’m savoring every last juicy bite of mango. My phase of negative self-talk and food scarcity is transitioning into treating my body like a temple and feeling radiant. 

This shift has been a long time coming. I distinctly remember being a thirteen-year-old that didn’t think I was thin enough. I cringed looking at myself in the mirror because I wanted a firmer stomach. I wanted lighter lips, bigger eyes, and straighter hair. In the years after, I went through periods of using laxatives when I ate too much, taking adderall to curb my appetite, and obsessive calorie counting. In college, I oscillated between a “chubby” size 8 and a make-my-Mom-cry size 0.  I was in full-on scarcity mode when it came to food. I was afraid of not being beautiful enough. I was scared of not being loved. I was so centered on what I was lacking that I lost sight of what I had inside. 

As I reflect back on the most challenging times (which holy crap I am fully reliving as I write this), what surfaces is my inability to reach out. I kept everything inside. I masked my pain behind the straight A’s, strong work ethic, and tipsy nights out. I attracted painful relationships into my life, and I gave gave gave to prove I was enough. 

Thankfully, the last few years have been a more nourishing ride. Rather than focusing on what I’m not, I’ve shifted to recognizing what I am. And I am love. You are too. We all are. Everything I need to be fully and completely in love with myself and my body lies within me, it’s just a matter of getting out of my own way. It’s a process of recognizing the emotions behind my actions to understand what’s really going on. It’s about getting curious rather than judging.  

The path here hasn’t been easy. For every three steps I take forward, I take a step back. Forward, back. Forward, back. Forward, back. From working out twice a day for three months to resisting the running shoes to finding ways to move my body in ways that move my soul. From not drinking for three months to really enjoying the pleasure of wine to finding new outlets of pleasure. Forward, back. Forward, back. Forward, back. The natural cycle of growth. The natural cycle of going beyond what I think I “should” be doing to discover what fulfills my soul.

Although now my relationship with my body is healthier than ever, I know there’s still work to be done. There always will be. 

I recently let my man in on some of my past battles and current struggles. Even though I’ve never felt so comfortable and free to fully be myself with any other human being, I was petrified to talk with him about this. “I just need to tell you how sexy you are more often!” he said lovingly. I was then comforted to hear that he’s working through his own challenges. This then presented an opportunity for us to grow together. Shared struggle means shared opportunity and shared growth. The simple act of openness and honesty has done wonders for our relationship and understanding of each other.

With newfound confidence to be open about this topic, I started going deep with more and more people. I was surprised to learn that I am not alone. “What woman hasn’t had an eating disorder?!” one friend exclaimed. “I’ve always felt too thin,” a guy friend shared. It seemed that in every conversation there was a “not enough” complex. Not strong enough. Not thin enough. Not tall enough. Too hairy. Breasts too small. Butt too big. Calfs too weak. Shoulders too wide. Nose too long. Eyes too large.

The emphasis — and the crux of the struggle — seems to be rooted in two fears: the fear of not being good enough and the fear of not being loved. 

So how do we accept ourselves? Love ourselves? And be beacons of light, strength, freedom, and acceptance? How do we emulate the core feelings we desire and feel missing in our lives?

While I don’t know know the answers yet, and I’m not sure where this journey is taking me, what I do know is that I feel ever so pulled toward the world of holistic health and healing. Let’s see where this goes… Forward, back. Forward, back. Forward, back. 

—

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Thanks to Ciara and Nate for inspiring this post, and Nate and Farhad for reading the draft.

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“I hear you,” I said to my Mom on the phone this morning after she dropped some entrepreneurial wisdom on me. 

“Great,” she said. “Now I don’t have to repeat myself three times.”

My brain exploded as I experienced a very simple yet big breakthrough for our relationship: acknowledge what Mom is saying so that she feels heard. 

For years, a point of friction for us has been when she repeats something three, four, or five times. 

Frustrated, I’d say, “I know. You’ve told me that three times already.”

“Just making sure you got it,” she’d say.

I never understood why she’d repeat herself because I was focusing on my experience rather than her experience. 

The way I process information is I internalize what she says, check in with my inner guide to see if it resonates, and then either act or let go. But, the MAJOR missing piece is acknowledgment. So, even with good intentions and feeling like I hear Mom, I’m not really listening when I don’t acknowledge her perspective. 

“I hear you.” Three simple words that will improve your communication and relationships.

p.s. Looking to structure your day and week for peak creativity, minimum insanity, and continuous growth? Check out my most recent Fast Company article. 

—

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Thanks to Momma Bear for inspiring this post, and Farhad for reading the draft.

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Yesterday my man left for a 5-day solo reflection and meditation retreat. After five years (and maybe longer) of 12+ hour days seven days per week, he decided to take a step back to clear his head. 

He’s the kind of guy who gives so much to everyone, who see’s the potential in all, and makes sure everyone else is well before taking care of himself. As much as I love his generosity and big heart, I’m so thrilled to see him taking a step back for some personal time.

To encourage him to think more deeply about his priorities, how he spends his time, and what a fulfilling life looks like to him, I handmade him a “reflection journal” with questions, exercises and inspiring quotes. 

The first exercise in the book is called “The Death Bed” exercise, which helps you gain clarity on the bigger picture and what a magnificent life looks like long-term.

Here’s a snapshot from the journal I made:

Here’s how it works:

You’re on your death bed, looking back on your one magnificently fulfilling, magical, and purposeful life. Certain milestones and achievements warm your heart, bring about deep joy, and provoke a tingling sensation throughout your body. These are the most important of the most important.

Part 1: Pull out a sheet of paper. What are your top 10?

After sending my man off, I dropped into a coffee shop to dive into this exercise so we can compare notes when he returns. Here’s what I came up with.

1 - Traveling the world with Farhad for 6 mo to 1 year after we get married and before starting a family.

2 - Creating a tight-knit, loving, and adventurous family that celebrates each other’s uniqueness and brings out each other’s gifts. 

3 - Bold becomes a legacy business, outliving me. We last by optimizing for lifestyle, building a “Hell yes!” culture that accelerates all staff, and inspire all we touch to create lives that drive them and the world forward. 

4 - Taking care of my health so that I’m strong, healthy, and energized every day (while still enjoying wine and chocolate).

5 - Cultivating incredibly deep and tight-knit relationships, choosing quality over quantity.

6 - Building a new way of learning for kids that emphasizes curiosity and creativity, entrepreneurial thinking, and the ability to process emotions, communicate needs, and take initiative. (Bold for Kids?)

7 - Unconventional destination wedding with all the people we love.

8 - Being my word: living every day like an adventure, listening to my inner voice, acting on callings, leading with love, continually going outside my comfort zone, self-care/rituals.

9 - Going to the moon. 

10 - Publishing a series of books on inspired doing, living and loving.

What’s on your list?

Part 2: Circle your top 5. These are the most important of the most important.

The point of the Top 5 is not to say that you can’t have more than 5 major milestones in your life, but to really get clear on “The Most Important of the Most Important.” This way, when new opportunities come your way, you can check into your “Top 5” and reflect on where things stand. This adds perspective when making decisions about doing more, since doing more can sometimes lead to doing less of what matters.

Picking my Top 3 was a no brainer, and were the first three that immediately came to me when I made the top 10 list. 

1 - Traveling the world with Farhad for 6 mo to 1 year after we get married and before starting a family.

2 - Creating a tight-knit, loving, and adventurous family that celebrates each other’s uniqueness and brings out each other’s gifts. 

3 - Bold becomes a legacy business, outliving me. We last by optimizing for lifestyle, building a “Hell yes!” culture that accelerates all staff, and inspire all we touch to create lives that drive them and the world forward. 

But picking 4 and 5 was much harder as the other ones felt so exciting. But, I finally landed on the connection and integrity intentions, realizing that those bring to life everything else. 

5 - Cultivating incredibly deep and tight-knit relationships, choosing quality over quantity.

8 - Being my word: living every day like an adventure, listening to my inner voice, acting on callings, leading with love, continually going outside my comfort zone, self-care/rituals.

What are your top 5? 

—

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Thanks to Farhad for inspiring the post, and Melissa for reading the draft.

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What many Bold Academy participants (aka “Bolders”) and clients of mine have in common is that they’re making a lot of important decisions.

Do I leave my job and start something?

Do I stay at my job, start something on the side, and leave when we reach a certain point? 

Is what I’ve been working on for X days/months/years really worth it?

Knowing when to quit and when to stick can be daunting, especially when you’ve invested a lot of time and energy.

Before launching Bold, I committed to working with some friends at The Unreasonable Institute. They’re an incredible accelerator for entrepreneurs focused on solving social and environment challenges. I was (and still am) obsessed with the team, and felt privileged to work side-by-side with people I deeply respected. We committed to a three-month trial, they gave me the title of “Chief Communications Officer,” and agreed to me continuing life design client work on the side.

About a month into working with them (and after working with other companies for the previous four years), I realized that I needed to finally give myself the space to realize and build out the human potential vision I felt burning inside of me. 

“Do I quit or do I stick?” I kept asking myself. The decision haunted me for over a week.

I ultimately decided to say farewell with love and focus on empowering people to realize their full potential. One month later the idea for Bold was born. 

If you’re wondering whether to quit or stick, here are some questions to ask yourself to ensure you’re doing what matters:

Why am I doing this? Knowing the motivations behind your actions will create awareness and choice. Keep asking yourself why until you reveal the deeper layers. 

What is the transformative shift I aim to evoke in society? Will what I’m doing right now enable me to further this? Do you want to empower people to fulfill their full potential? Accelerate social entrepreneurs? Motivate people to make healthier food choices? Inspire people to stay fit by making movement fun? Bring creativity and curiosity into the classroom? Whatever your driving force, make sure your current actions align with your intentions. 

What else can I be doing? Think about the amount of time you’re spending doing what you’re doing right now. Imagine how else you might spend that time. Is what you’re doing right now really worth it? 

Another strategy, which I came across today in a Fast Company article by the Heath Brothers, is called the 10/10/10 rule. It will help you get some distance on the decision. Ask yourself:

How will I feel about it 10 minutes from now?

How about 10 months from now?

How about 10 years from now?

Ultimately, I continually remind myself that all decisions are progress, and making decisions is better than not. I don’t have to live with a decision forever, and I can always course correct later. 

—

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Thanks to bikram yoga for inspiring this post, and Farhad for reading the draft.

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In the last week, five or so people have approached me with questions around priorities, discipline, and getting things done.

“I’m not as productive as I’d like to be right now.”

“I push things away that I don’t want to deal with.”

“I’m feeling more drained and tired than usual.”

My first two questions always are:

1) What do you have on your plate right now? (aka what are your priorities?)

2) Do your priorities enthrall you?

The answer to these questions typically reveals seven priorities, half of which are draining, which leads to a discussion around “Why are you doing so many things?”

In my personal experience, the times when I have way too much on my plate, I’m trying to compensate for an emptiness that I’m feeling. If I’m “crazy busy,” my life is sure as hell “meaningful.”

But I don’t want to feel crazy busy. I want to feel inspired, free and alive. I want to savor every bite of my food, host spontaneous solo dance parties in my bedroom, and have days with large gapping holes in my schedule so I can explore San Francisco and get lost. I want to act how I want to feel. And I bet you do too. 

How do you want to FEEL every day? 

Once you identify how you want to feel, try this process for prioritization and planning.

As far as doing things that enthrall you, as part of life, there are of course going to be tasks that we don’t want to do. Today was one of those days for me. I spent the morning organizing my finances and getting Bold prepared for taxes. These are two activities that make me want to cry in a corner. Since crying in a corner is not going to serve me or get my taxes done any faster, here’s a process I use for checking in and batching “hate you but have to do you” tasks.

1. Check in. I follow an 85:15 rule. About 85% of what I do energizes and enthralls me. About 15% is stuff I hate doing but have to do. If you think about that in terms of a month, that means I spend 4-5 days doing things I dislike. 

To check in, ask yourself, “How much time am I spending doing what drains me?” If it’s more than 15%, or 4 to 5 days per month, ask yourself:

• Do I really need/want to do this? 
• Who can do this just as well as me that I can delegate to?

Keep in mind that there may be times when doing what you’re not particularly thrilled to do may be worth it. The work I did with Seth Godin didn’t energize me every day but the purpose behind what we were doing and the growth I experienced was absolutely worth it. 

2. Batch. For a while, I noticed that I spent more time thinking about the things I didn’t want to do than actually doing them. The emotional build up of not doing that action far outweighed the time spent on the actual task. What I’ve realized is that if I spend every day doing bits of things I don’t like, it messes with my flow. That’s why I batch “hate you but have to do you” tasks into one day per week. Wednesday is that day for me. 

Now I don’t have to think about not doing something. I delegate those tasks to Wednesday, and do them first thing in the morning (after my morning rituals) before allowing myself to work on the things I enjoy. What I’ve found is that on most Wednesdays, I’m done with these tasks by 12 or 1pm. And after getting it done, I feel relieved and accomplished and proud of not putting it off. 

3. Celebrate your small wins. To balance out Wednesdays, I plan energizing and relaxing activities for late afternoon or evening. Wine with the beau, tea with a girlfriend. Tonight, the man and I are heading to a bikram yoga class. The perfect way to end a taxing day. 

—

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Thanks to Wesley and Phil for inspiring this post, and Farhad and Jeremy for reading the draft.

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